I had a reader ask if I would do some character interviews on my website. So I told her that if she would come up with the questions then I would be glad to do the interviews. One of the questions was, who do you consider your hero? Jacque shared with us about her hero, and how it was her mother. Her answer is as follows:
Who do you consider your hero?
Jacque: My mom. She loved a man that she knew could never truly be hers. But she loved him anyways. She told me once that to love guarantees pain at some time in your life and pain helps us grow and change. But to never love, to never experience the joy and pain that comes with love, guarantees stagnancy. She asked, "Do you know what stagnancy is? How it's defined?" My answer, "To not move." She said, "Nope. It's worse than that, kiddo. Stagnancy means unmoving, but also foul or stale, not developing, inactive. That is what happens to a person who doesn't take a risk on love."
After reading this I got in contact with Lilly, Jacque's mother, and asked if she would be willing to elaborate. With Jacque's permission Lilly shared with us the letter she wrote her daughter the night she came home to tell the man she loved she was pregnant with his child, only to find him gone.
I don't know you yet. I don't know if you are a boy or girl. I don't know if you will have my eyes or your fathers. What I do know is that you are loved. It is because of that love that I want to share some of my story with you, so that maybe one day you will understand why I made the choice I did.
Love is a choice. I'm not talking about the love you have for your child that comes naturally, or the feeling love brings, or the emotions that flood your system when you are in love. I'm talking about the nitty, gritty, dirty, hard kind of love. The love that gets you through the day when all you want to do is lay down and give up. I choose love. When I meet your father I was head over heels, no doubt about it. Then life set it in. I learned things that were hard to accept, things that could not be changed no matter how I wished they could be. And once I learned those hard and difficult things I had a choice. I could walk away. You're father said he would understand, no hard feelings. Or, I could stay. I had to decide if choosing to love him was worth the pain that was sure to come.
As you know now if you are reading this, I chose to stay. I chose to love a man who would possibly one day walk out of my life. Even though I came home tonight to find him gone, even as I sit here writing this as tears still dampen my cheeks, I would not change a thing. For you see, love changes us. It tears us down, and builds us up. Love reshapes who we are into who we need to become. Then through the fires of life love refines us. It smoothes out the rough edges and as life goes on and we get banged up over and over, the love we choose continues to reshape, refine and renew who and what we are. You must choose love one day, no matter the fear, dread, hurt, anger, or pain that might follow.
I know it's scary. But all change is. That might be the scariest part about love, it doesn't allow us to stay the same. It's impossible to love and be loved and it not change us. Love changed me. It made me give of myself on days when I didn't want to. It made me see the good in someone else when I'd rather see their faults. And love gave me you.
When life brings you to that place, I hope that you will choose to grow and change, choose to be reshaped and refined, choose to love.
Lilly's letter really touched my heart and so I wanted to share it with all of you. Thank you Lilly for allowing us into your heart and sharing a difficult time in your life with all of us.